Gear Acquisition Syndrome

These days with studios and techno heads popping up every which way you can see on the West Coast.. a common ailment may be on the rise within our society, known as Gear Acquisition Syndrome (GAS).  It is helpful to know the symptoms or the phases in which they can occur so that you can avoid them, or at least own up to it, -you raging synth slut.

Stages of gearlust in a person afflicted with GAS.
1. Ignorance: You are unaware of the perceived importance of new kit in your life.
2. Frustration: Current artistic workflow or method is perceived as insufficient. This is brought upon by your own desires for faster or more efficient output or envy of others and their kit.
3. Hunter mode: Hours of research go into seeking out what could be the possible solution to enhanced workflow and possible new “creative inspiration.”
4. Target acquired: New object of desire found.. seemingly the answer to everything. All possibilities; now apparently limitless.
5. The fast: After reeling from sticker shock, resolve is mustered to throw down for that dope piece of kit. Setting aside finances, living modestly like a hermit for weeks on end, -finding new creative uses for bouillon and rice.. all the while determined in the knowledge that it will all be worth it in the end.
6. The kill: The day came. All the stars were in alignment. The gods and chance favored that fasting and scrimping wasn’t needed for a dental bill or a hospital visit that couldn’t be easily ignored. You, as they say, ‘pulled the trigger’.. and it was good. Giddily, you spy the receipt in your inbox, and that very night you sleep hard and sound as though you were a newborn infant.
7. The long trek home: A span of days go by, you click tracking on the digital receipt to get a dopamine rush here and there; knowing that the usps, ups or fed-ex driver/pilot is dutifully and faithfully pursuing each leg of the journey from Spokane, Fort Wayne, or some middle part of the country where USPS/UPS/Fed-Ex vehicles roam.
8. The feast: a friendly knock from that old, familiar, yet far from intimate friend dressed in uniform at your door. You can’t help but wonder if they feed off of the happiness of the people they encounter.. the deliriousness shared in the moment of bliss when the miracle of the modern world is unveiled at your very own doorstep. Eager with anticipation and sweaty fervor, you race to the kitchen grab the nearest sharp object to quickly disembowel the cardboard box to reveal the glorious contents inside.
9. Betrayal: It’s there.. your new flaming piece of crap is ready to go with all your other gear.. ready to be the answer to all your problems. At that very moment however, everything is over. The thrill is gone. Anticipation has waned. Now it just sits there. It also doesn’t do what you want it to. Why?? The manuals and countless videos you saw before said nothing of this. They all promised infinite fame and glory. What of that now?
10. Truth and enlightenment: A fine layer of dust and guilt drives you to return to your kit after feelings of betrayal subside. You begin to understand the true purpose of the gear. The manual is clear. You develop different and new found skills, completely different than your previous aspirations. In a way, it is better because it has shown you things you would have never thought of. Is this inspiration? No, it is something different and in many ways, possibly better. The resolve to acquire has changed into the resolve to make the best possible use of any direction garnered from the kit. New progress is made. New joys found.